Douche Bag Trucks
There is a plague here in Saskatchewan, over the last decade or so it has been slowly simmering and gaining traction and over the last few years it has exploded into an inter-provincial nuisance that has spread across most of Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba. Despite growing frustration among the public, it seems nothing can be done to stop it and the problem seems to be getting worse.
I’m not talking about crime or killer bees, taxes or gophers, not even global warming. I’m talking about……douche bag trucks. The behemoth trucks that are 10 feet off the ground, with 34″ rims, a roll cage, an annoying loud muffler and almost always will have a snowmobile or an ATV in the back. Sometimes they are towing a motorboat and are always driven by short tiny guys with white sunglasses and UFC clothing. These trucks will undoubtedly have a few slutty looking 16yo girls as passengers that need a ladder to get in and out and a few flats of Pilsner stuffed under the seats.
Ya know those things just bother me to no end. It’s like why do you need a 50,000 dollar truck that has 25,000 dollars worth of useless modifications done to them to transport one maybe two people around. It is incredibly inefficient and pointless. These trucks generally get horrible gas mileage because the engine is working a lot harder to spin those massive tires. You never see these things hauling anything but a snowmobile which my Jetta could probably pull around no problem. Somtimes it’s a 5th wheel or a boat but you don’t need to modify a truck to be able to pull those. You rarely see mud or any dirt whatsoever on them so they’re not driving off road. These guys are just spending all this money so they can feel big and tough and intimidate other drivers and because there are these idiotic girls who will fuck them no matter what they look like. Never mind they’re dangerous since they can’t see anything that’s not 6 feet high in front of them.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind some big trucks, older jacked up Chevys or Ford Broncos look right bad ass and awesome but these trucks generally have a bit of character to them and the drivers aren’t afraid to cake them in mud or make them work (ya know what a truck was intended for)
As our economy has improved in Saskatchewan and people are making more money these trucks are just popping up everywhere, I just can’t see how anyone could justify making a 1000 dollar a month truck payment unless it was necessary for work like a welding truck. Keep in mind that 1000 dollars doesn’t account for the payments on the modifications, the registration, the gas, and other maintenance costs. These guys are always like 21 years old, how does a 21yo afford a 75,000 dollar truck?
Another thing that makes these trucks the scourge of our roads is the cocky little piss ant drivers who have no respect for the rules of the road or other fellow drivers. They speed, follow way too close, go through red lights and gun the pedal everytime they go off the line as trying to prove their dominance over other drivers, as if their ego makes them immune to the laws that everyone else has to follow.
If any owner of these trucks is reading this I cannot stress this enough, you look like a complete asshole and a douche and the only friends you are ever gonna have are fellow asshole and douche bags and owning that truck doesn’t get you anything but a reputation as somebody who needs to compensate for something. You obviously don’t care about anyone but yourself as proven by your blinding headlights that shine right into my eyes and your 160 db engine that always used to wake me up as they blared down the street in front of my apartment going way too fast at 2am. If you think that driving that big truck makes you look cool you are sadly mistaken. I would rather drive around in an 80s station wagon with wooden paneling on the doors then those eye sores.
This is why GM discontinued Hummer because people figured out that the drivers looked like materialistic cocky morons when they drove these symbols of excess and futile spending . These things were horrible for the environment and looked equally as horrible. I guess people in Saskatchewan haven’t caught onto that yet but here’s to hoping it’s soon although I’m not holding my breath.